!??

It's my 18th birthday today - the one I've been waiting for for so long; there I am, drinking age  -  but I don't feel like celebrating.

My father, whom I made fun of in the previous post, died in a car accident this Tuesday. 

Suddenly, I'm no longer pondering what my first legal beer would be (I have been preoccupied with this idea for months). Being at home makes me cry again and again, being away feels strange.

I can get focused on something else and then I'm probably as OK as I can possibly be, but occasional thought makes it through often.